Missing Him

Sunday evening was one of the most difficult time periods of my life.

My mom, Andrew and I packed up all my stuff and off we went down to school. I really didn't want Andrew to come because I knew it was going to break my heart into pieces to watch them drive away. He, of course, insisted that he needed to come to help me carry all of my heavy things into my room (which I really appreciated as it was pouring down rain and I have some heavy stuff).

We got down here and got most everything situated then went out to get some dinner. When we were finished we went over so I could get some food for the week then came back to school. My mom stayed in the car and Andrew helped me take my stuff up (he got to carry the case of water, isn't he a lucky guy?).

Then it was that time. The time that is making my have tears in my eyes just writing about it. He had to leave. It was the moment I'd been dreading all summer. I held onto him and cried. And I am not a crier. What else could I do? I'd been somewhat prepared for it, but my gosh, it killed me. I felt physically ill, like I was going to throw up watching them leave.

The rest of the night was horrible. As was yesterday evening which is why I couldn't post much for the last few days. Sunday night was absolutely miserable, we hadn't slept apart in months and that was so strange for me and from what he said that night, him too.

Classes at least took my mind off of everything for a little while, but as soon as I was back in my room alone a had that sick feeling again. The one that says "this is going to take a while, but you can do it". It's a little better today, mostly because we talked for almost an hour last night and again this morning, but it's still so hard.


I've gotten so accustomed to our routine: We get up, he gets ready while I make his lunch, he goes to work, I get ready and go to work myself, we email a bit throughout the day, we meet up at home, do something outside until it's dark, make dinner, watch some tv and go to bed. Together.

This is just ripping me apart this year. Last year was difficult on the first night when they left after moving in, but after that I was fine. I am so thankful for email and cell phones I can't even begin to describe it.

I guess I didn't realize how attached to him I really am. I have always known that I love him, but I wasn't expecting this wave of emotion to hit me like a freight train.

I miss him desperately, I love him deeply and Friday seems like it's eons away. Like he said in an email, the countdowns to Friday have begun. 3 days, 8 hours and counting.